


If There's a Case, There Must Be a Quesadilla

by bamelot89, gwainpain89



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Comedy, Crack, Human Impala, Ianpala | Ian Somerhalder as the Impala, M/M, Screenplay/Script Format, changing channels au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-23
Updated: 2013-04-23
Packaged: 2017-12-09 08:04:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/771934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bamelot89/pseuds/bamelot89, https://archiveofourown.org/users/gwainpain89/pseuds/gwainpain89
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Impala comes to life, Cas gets territorial, Dean's diet catches up to him, and Sam giggles a lot. But mostly, Gabe just gets a good laugh.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If There's a Case, There Must Be a Quesadilla

**Act 1: Scene 1**

_Scene opens in Dr. Sexy’s office, nurse is escorting a raging, talking teddy bear out into the hallway. Camera angle opens to show the Winchesters standing in the back of the office._

Dr. Sexy:  Thanks for bringing him in; I can always count on the Winchesters for an interesting case.

Dean:  Just doing our jobs, Dr. Sexy. [pauses sheepishly] Nice boots. 

Dr. Sexy:  Thanks, they’re from an old friend in Italy.

Sam:  Dean, don’t you have a roast in the oven?

Dr. Sexy:  Well I’ve learned to never keep a man from his meat. Thanks again, and we’ll have him settled in before too long.

 

_Title Sequence_

**Scene 2:**

_Dean is driving the Impala with Sam in the passenger seat. Come Sail Away is playing._

Impala:  Your grip is a little tight there, Dean-o. Dr. Sexy too sexy?

Dean:  What the—

Sam:   _[giggles]_  


_Castiel appears in the back seat._

Castiel:  Hello, Dean.

Dean:   _[swerves car]_ Son of a bitch!

Sam:   _[giggles again]_  

Castiel:  I have made progress on the escape plan, but I have lost track of Gabriel.

Dean:  You let Gabe slip out from under your nose?

Castiel:  He was hardly under my nose, Dean. That would be uncomfortable.

Sam:   _[giggles loudly]_  


Impala:  Why don’t you check under your trench coat? It’s the fastest way to find Dean.

Castiel:  Dean, I believe the Impala is no longer a baby It seems to have matured rather suddenly.

_Sam rolls off to right, Cas falls on his butt on the pavement, Dean is left riding on the Impala—suddenly turned human’s—back. Everyone is flailing. The Impala is crawling down the road on all fours._

_Cas poofs over by Dean and the Impala and plucks Dean off the Impala’s back._

_Impala stands up, brushes off his black leather outfit._

Impala:  I resent that comment, Castiel.

Castiel:  You are a car, you are not capable of resentment. 

Impala:  Maybe not in your world, angel-boy, but in this world, cars are people too, and I’d appreciate some respect.

Castiel:  You are a car.

Impala:  I’m a human car, obviously.

Castiel:  That’s not possible.

Dean:  What the hell is going on?

Sam:   _[convulses on asphalt in fresh wave of giggles]_  


Castiel:  Your car’s car-like qualities have been replaced by extremely human-like features.

Dean:  Thanks, Sherlock, I can see that. But why and how and—oh my God, I’ve been calling a man baby for the past twenty years.

Impala:   _[smiles alluringly]_  


Castiel:   _[glares possessively]_  


Impala:  That’s right, Dean-o. And I’ve supported you for twenty years in all your backseat activities.

Dean:   _[turns tomato-red]_  


Sam:   _[breaks into hysterical laughter, starts wheezing]_  


Castiel:   _[rolls eyes, exasperated, and zaps them all back to the boys’ lurid blue and green house]_  


 

**Scene 3:**

_At boys’ house. Sam has composed himself and is brushing his sideburns in the reflection of the window above the sink. Someone knocks on the door._

Sam:  Dean, could you get that?

Dean:  My car has freaking muscles, Sam! Muscles and cheekbones and supermodel hair! How about you get the friggin’ door.

Sam:   _[muttering]_ It’s a muscle car, genius, what’d you expect. [goes to answer door, still brushing sideburns] 

Becky:   _[dressed in Girl Scout uniform, pulling red wagon full of cookies]_  


Sam:   _[brow furrows, momentarily pauses sideburn-brushing]_  


Becky:   _[huskily]_ Sam.

Sam:   _[questioningly]_ Becky…I…uh…I thought you were with Chuck?

Becky:  He had to go do some prophety thing. In the mean time, I thought I’d stop by and offer you some Girl Scout cookies. [seductively] Are you interested?

Sam:   _[backs away from the door]_ Dean…we’ve got a code 501.

Dean:   _[pops head out of bathroom, followed by Castiel below him and the Impala above him]_ What? _[sees Becky]_ Son of a bitch!

Impala:  Who’s this?

Castiel:  You’ve never met her.

Impala:  Maybe not, but I met Dean first.

Castiel:  I gripped Dean tight and raised him from Perdition, something vehicles are entirely incapable of.

Impala:  Would you let go of the car-thing?

Castiel:  No.

Dean:  Guys, c’mon! Bigger fish.

Castiel:  Becky is not a fish, Dean, nor is she larger than your car or myself. Remember, my true form is the size of the Chrysler buil—

Dean:  Thank you, Cas, we know.

Sam:   _[glances confused between the two, hairbrush in hand]_ I don’t.

Dean:  Shut up.

Becky:  I’ve got thin mints, caramel delights, thanks-a-lots—

Sam:  Well, thanks a lot, but…no thanks.

Becky:   _[frowns, dejected]_  


Impala:  Now, now, Sam. That’s no way to talk to this lovely creature.

Dean: _[disappeared at some point, makes a reappearance now with a massive tranq gun]_ Lovely creature, my ass. [promptly shoots Becky]

Becky: _[falls to ground, drags self towards Sam]_  


Dean:   _[shoots her again, twice for good measure]_  


Sam:   _[turns to glare at Dean]_ What took you so long?

Dean:  Well, tranquilizer isn’t one of our top ten, Sammy, I had to dig around—

Castiel:   _[disappeared at some point as well, to living room]_ Dean? Sam? We have a problem.

_Sam drags Becky (with the cookies) inside, then follows everyone into the living room. He brings a box of thin mints with him._

_Gabriel is stretched languidly across the sofa in the living room, sucker in mouth, surrounded by hundreds of briefcases._

Gabriel:  Hello, boys. _[points to thin mints in Sam’s hands]_ Wanna share, Sammy?

 

 

**Act 2: Scene 1**

 

Sam:   _[frowning]_ Gabe, what the hell? [trips over briefcase that appeared in front of his foot]

Gabriel:  Watch your step, kiddo.

Dean:   _[smartly]_ Going on a business trip? 

Gabriel:  Looks like you won’t be going far, but I like your new ride.

Castiel:  How do we change him back, Gabriel?

Impala:  I rather like human form.

Castiel:  The question was not directed toward you.

Gabriel:  Settle down, boys, settle down. The solution is in this room.

_[Everyone looks around, bewildered.]_

Dean:  Where?

Gabriel:  Oh so eager, I thought you’d enjoy my little game.

Dean:  Your games never end very well.

Gabriel:  Neither do your relationships. _[Dean blanches.]_ But, no matter. The game is simple: all you have to do is open the right case. 

Dean:   _[angry, hurt face]_ Everyone start opening cases.

Gabriel:  Like I said, you won’t get very far. You can’t hog cases, Dean. You have to share and take turns.

_Gabriel disappears off of the sofa. Dean takes control._

Dean:   _[Hands Impala a case]_ Open it.

Impala:   _[pouting, opens the case]_  


_Everyone waits, but nothing seems to happen._

Castiel:  It’s empty.

Impala:  Verily, ‘tis empty as the gourd perched upon thy scrawny shoulders.

  
_Dean and Sam look at each other. Sam giggles._  

Dean:  What the hell? Cas, open a case.

Castiel: _[Indignantly selects a case from a pile on the floor. Opens it cautiously.]_  

Impala:  What say you now, son of the heavens?

Castiel:  I DO NOT KNOW.

Dean:  Jeez, Calm down, Cas, you don’t have to shout.

Castiel:  I AM NOT SHOUTING, DEAN.

Sam:   _[snorts and continues giggling]_  


Dean:  Sammy, open a damn case.

Sam:   _[Giggles helplessly and flings open a case. He is suddenly dressed as an Eskimo with a moose antler headdress. Giggling continues.]_  


Dean:  Dammit, Sam, shut it. _[Picks up a case and opens it. He is then clad scantily in a shimmering man-thong and matching vest. He blushes deep purple.]_  


Sam:   _[doubles over in laughter]_  


Castiel:   _[also blushes a deep purple]_  


Impala:  Thy attire shalt not soon be forgotten from the minds of men gathered here. I shall take my leave and acquire a case. _[Opens another case, and a pile of quesadillas pour out.]_  


Sam:   _[pouting]_ That’s not fair, I want Mexican.

Dean:   _[Trying to hide under a blanket]_ Cas, would you please open the next damn case.

Castiel:   _[still blushing]_ WITH PLEASURE, DEAN. _[Tries to open another case, but fails at every attempt. All eyes turn to Impala.]_  


Dean: _[still trying to cover himself with blanket]_ Seriously? This better not take all night.

Impala:   _[through mouthful of quesadilla]_ Gimme a minute.

Sam: _[shifting uncomfortably]_ It’s getting hot under all these skins. 

Impala:   _[through another mouthful of quesadilla]_ Giggly little girl isn’t so giggly anymore. Serves you right.

Castiel:  YOUR FACIAL STRUCTURE IS IMMENSELY MORE FEMININE THAN SAM’S.

Dean:   _[Irritated]_ Shut up, everybody, let him eat.

_Everyone sits uncomfortably for several moments while Impala finishes the quesadillas._

Dean:   _[Anxious]_ Cas, open the next goddamn case.

Castiel:  OF COURSE, DEAN. _[Opens case, and suddenly transforms into a trench coat clad cockatoo. Flies to Dean’s shoulder and squawks.]_  


Dean:   _[rolling eyes]_ For the love of God, Sam, open the next case. I don’t want bird poop everywhere. _[Cas squawks]_  


Sam:   _[Eager, opens another case. Gone are the furs and headdress, replaced with 80’s workout clothes. Complete with tube socks and several sweatbands. Giggles.]_  


Impala:   _[groans and holds stomach]_ Oh, I feel sick.

Dean:   _[disgusted]_ Don’t puke on the carpet, we had it professionally cleaned last week. _[grabs a case and tears it open. His body swells and he rapidly gains weight until he has to sit down. The chair sags under his weight. He is now clad in jeans with a popped button and a too tight t-shirt.]_  


Sam:   _[Falls to floor in a fit of giggles and knocks over a pile of cases on the way down.]_  


Castiel:   _[Squawks and circles around the ceiling.]_  


Dean:  Cas! Chill out and get your feathery ass down here. Impala, open the next case.

Impala:   _[groans and reaches for another case]_ You know, Dean, you can still call me baby.

Castiel:   _[squawks again, louder this time, and comes back to rest on Dean’s shoulder]_  


Impala:   _[rolls eyes]_  


_As the Impala is about to open his third case, a phone rings. It’s coming from the living room, which is strange, because they didn’t have a phone in the living room--until now. The group looks around, confused, and Sam produces a phone triumphantly from behind a particularly high, precariously stacked mountain of cases. Puts it on speaker._

Sam:  Hello?

Gabriel’s voice:  Hey there, Moose-boy! How are you liking the game so far?

Dean:  Gabriel, I swear to God, if you don’t fix thi—

Gabriel’s voice:  Whoa, whoa, whoa. Relax, kid. I’m prepared to offer you a deal.

Sam:   _[muttering]_ Oh my God, we’re on Deal or No Deal.

Gabriel’s voice:  Not quite, Sammy. That would require two dozen beautiful women, but look around. All there is, is you bunch. Now. Listen up, dixie cups. While you four were busy making fools out of yourselves, Crowley was able to snatch an important player from right under your noses—and no, not literally, Castiel. Said important player just happens to be your resident Girl Scout.

_Dean, Sam, Impala, and Castiel look at each other in shock. Castiel squawks. Sam runs to the kitchen and comes back in a hurry._

Sam:  He’s right, she’s gone.

Dean:  Damn it. What’s so important about Becky, anyway?

Gabriel’s voice:  It’s not so much her importance to the grand plan, but her importance to Chuck, you know, the prophet. So I’m willing to make a deal. Even though it is quite amusing watching you buffoons make fools of yourselves. 

Castiel:   _[squawks impatiently]_  


Gabriel’s voice:   _[chuckles]_ Anyway, you get to play knights and rescue our Girl Scout in distress from Crowley. 

Dean:  Great. And then you change Baby--er, the Impala, back to herself, tires, metal, engine, and all.

Gabriel’s voice:  If you succeed in rescuing dear sweet Becky, then yes. I’ll put things back in order. I might even throw in something extra.

Sam:  Okay, great. Change us back so we can head out.

Gabriel’s voice:   _[chortles]_ Oh no, my friends. You all get to rescue Becky in your current state.

Castiel:   _[squawks and pecks at the phone]_  


Gabriel’s voice:   _[amusedly]_ Come now, Castiel, doesn’t it feel good to stretch your wings? I have to run, many important things to do, but good luck and I’ll check in shortly.

Dean:   _[getting visibly angry, his double chins turning an unpleasant shade of red]_ Where’s Becky exactly? You’ve given us bupkiss to go off of. 

Gabriel’s voice:  Like I said, good luck. And let’s hope you can still pump blood to your brain with all the extra layers. Might want to lay off the cheeseburgers ‘til this case is closed.

Dean:  _[Sinks down into the chair, sighing. Chair groans in protest.]_ Go get a cavity, birdbrain.

Castiel:   _[Squawks in protest and continues circling the ceiling.]_  


Gabriel’s voice:  _[cheery]_ Happy hunting, boys. _[Click, and the phone goes dead before vanishing from Sam’s hand.]_  


Dean: _[Struggles to get out of the chair as it squeaks and groans beneath his new-found weight.]_ What a bag of dicks. 

Sam:   _[hands on hips]_ How are we going to get anywhere? It’s not like we have a car.

Dean:   _[panting from the effort of getting up]_ Or an angel to zap us places. Basically, we got nothin’. 

_There’s a knock at the door and everyone turns to look expectantly at Sam._

Sam:  Oh—come on, are you guys serious right now? Look at me—

Impala:  You were giggling up a storm earlier, Sasquatch. Now we’ve got Mr. Chubby, Mr. Cockatoo, and Mr. Sick-on-Quesadillas. Mr. Eighties-Work-Out is going to open the door now.

_Sam sulkily stalks out of the room to answer the door._

Sam:   _[surprised]_ Chuck!

Chuck:   _[looking very stressed]_ We’ve got no time to lose, Crowley’s got Becky and...Sam? Did I, uh...Did I interrupt something?

Sam:   _[grumbles]_ Becky’s not our only problem. I’ll get the others, but you don’t happen to have a vehicle large enough to fit a 400 pound man?

Chuck:  Uh, I’ve got a van. Do I even want to know?

Sam:  Let’s just get this over with. 

_Sam goes back into the living room._

Dean:   _[sitting in the chair again]_ So?

Sam:   _[sighs]_ Chuck is here, so everyone out to the van.

Impala:   _[appalled]_ A van? Do you know what I am? And you expect me to ride in a van? I refuse to be driven around in a soccer mom vehi—

Dean:  _[struggling to get out of the chair, wheezing]_ You’re human now, and until you’re back to being my Baby--I mean, my car, you’re going to have to suck it up with the rest of us.

Castiel:   _[squawks, almost smugly]_  


Impala:   _[disgusted]_ You’ll have to suck it in a little more than the rest of us, Fat-so.

Sam:   _[muttering]_ I am surrounded by bickering toddlers, one of which is a human car and the other my sumo-sized brother, and a cockatoo who’s actually as big as the Chrysler Building. I don’t even know what my life is anymore. I miss the apocalypse.

 

 

**Scene 2:**

 

_The three-and-a-half humans and one bird are all crammed into Chuck’s soccer mom van._

Sam:  So, do you actually know where Becky is?

Chuck:   _[nervously]_ Well, I uh, yes, of course, but I don’t think you boys will be too thrilled about it. 

Dean:  We’re in pretty bad shape, how much worse can it get?

Chuck:  There’s uh, this old hotel. Nice and tall, real fancy. Luxurious. But long story short, they ran into some...problems. It’s closed right now, waiting to be fixed.

Dean:  That’s great, Chuck, care to expand on those ‘problems’?

Chuck:  You know, just the fact that their elevators stopped working?

Dean:  Today is not my day. 

Sam:  Dean, you can stay with the van and be our getaway driver. 

Dean:  There’s no way I’m letting you, Cas, and Ba--the Impala go up there with Chuck to save Becky from Crowley and his crew.

Sam:  There’s no way you’re going to be able to get up those stairs or move fast enough to keep up.

Impala:  I have to agree. I don’t know much about humans, but I know I wouldn’t be able to get you far like that.

Dean:  Shut up. This is not negotiable.

_They ride in silence until they pull up to the old hotel. There are a few lights on spread out among the floors._

Dean:   _[lets out a low whistle]_ You weren’t kidding about the ‘tall’ part.

Castiel:   _[squawks, saying his true form is of a much greater size than this mere hotel, but no one understands cockatooean]_  


Sam:   _[gets out of the front passenger seat and signals to the group]_ Well, let’s go get Becky.

Impala:  Are you sure some of us shouldn’t stay here with the van, like back up? A fast getaway?

Sam:  It won’t matter if Crowley’s after us. Being the King of Hell comes with privileges, one of those being teleportation.

Impala:   _[resigned]_ I suppose. Plus with Dean making the trek to save Becky, we won’t be going anywhere fast.

Castiel:   _[squawks and settles onto Dean’s shoulder]_  


Dean:  Hey, buddy. Good to know you’re still with me.

Castiel:  _[squawks in Impala’s direction, practically smirks]_  


Sam:  Not for long. Cas, you’re going to go scout things out for us.

Impala:  Like they won’t notice a cockatoo in a trench coat flying around. 

Sam:  Like they won’t notice three grown men with a mound of meaty male and a cockatoo in tow. It’s our best option at this point.

Impala:   _[eyes Dean and Castiel]_ Unfortunately, I see your point. 

Sam:  Cas, sooner than later if you don’t mind. A little consideration for the rest of us.

Castiel:   _[nuzzles Dean’s chins and then streaks toward the building]_  


Impala:  Finally, a little peace and quiet.

Dean:  You better not still smell like quesadillas when you’re back to normal.

Impala:  That won’t be a problem, I never want to eat another quesadilla again. 

_Cas returns and lands on Dean’s padded shoulder._

Sam:  So? What’d you see?

Castiel:   _[squawks]_  


Chuck:   _[face-palms]_ He can’t speak English.

Dean:  This is un-friggin’-believable. Let’s just go hunt some demons. 

_Dean squirms out of the van and waddles toward the building. Castiel squawks and follows him._

Impala:  This is going to be a long night.

Chuck:  At least it’ll give me something to write about.

Sam:   _[quietly giggles]_  


Impala:  Oh, God. Not again.

Chuck:  _[shrugs and follows Dean, Sam, and Castiel]_  


Impala:   _[hums Highway to Hell and sighs, then follows]_  


 

 

**Scene 3:**

 

_Inside the hotel, Dean is sweating profusely, Sam is feeling energetic in his 80’s workout clothes, Chuck is shuffling along wordlessly, and the Impala is alternating between grumbling and humming various classic rock songs. Castiel squawks occasionally, but no one understands._

Dean:  How many more floors?

Sam:  _[glances at the sign as they pass through to check the rooms on this level]_ Four after this.

Castiel:   _[squawks in irritation]_  


Dean:  I feel ya, buddy.

Impala:  I think what you’re feeling is all that fat burning away.

Sam:  Well, not on this floor.

Chuck:  We need to hurry, Crowley could be doing any number of hellish things to Becky.

Dean:   _[panting heavily]_ I’m pretty sure Becky could be doing any number of things to Crowley, too. She might even irritate him into letting her go without any help from us.

_They finish checking the rooms on the remaining floors, but find no signs of Crowley or Becky._

Sam:   _[groans in frustration]_  


Dean:  This is freakin’ ridiculous.

Impala:  What’s ridiculous is your weight.

Chuck:   _[muttering possible lines for his books]_ Dean and his car bickered like an old, married couple, which ruffled Castiel’s feathers.

Sam:  Well, we haven’t searched the whole building yet. Most of these places have basements.

Dean:   _[waddles angrily to the stairwell. Castiel struggles to keep his balance on Dean’s shoulder.]_ What are we waiting for?

Impala:  _[uttered under breath]_ You.

Dean:   _[turns quickly to face Impala, but loses his footing. He plummets down at least one flight of stairs before stopping with a dull thud.]_  


_All others rush down the stairs to find Dean in a hot, sweaty, heap of man, with a few feathers stuck in his hair. Castiel is perched on the railing, casting Dean a concerned look._

Sam:   _[trying to contain giggles and failing miserably]_ Are you okay, Dean?

Dean:  _[struggles to his feet with the help of the railing]_ Just dandy, whaddya think?

_Castiel hops onto Dean’s forearm._

Chuck:  We still have to find Becky. The basement is our best bet.

Dean:   _[wheezing]_ Go on without me, I’ll catch up. 

Impala:  Unlikely.

_Death glares all around._

 

**Scene 4:**

_Becky is gagged and tied to a chair, Girl Scout uniform disheveled, in the middle of the hotel’s basement, with two far-too-muscular clowns on either side of her that have black eyes, leading her to believe they were demons._

_[Psycho Killer begins playing] Sam, Chuck, and Impala push through large double doors at the end of the basement where Becky is facing. The clowns smile, and begin walking towards them. Sam is visibly shaking in his 80’s workout clothes, holding the demon knife. Impala looks very unamused and is armed with a water pistol full of holy water. Chuck is standing there looking adorable and concerned about Becky. Epic battle ensues and Sam manages to kill both clown demons, and to his dismay he is now covered in glitter. Chuck unties Becky and takes out her gag. They embrace._

_They make it up into the lobby only to come face to face with Crowley and three demons._

Crowley:   _[smug]_ I see Gabriel sent the A Team.

Chuck:   _[pulls Becky close]_ Nothing but the best for my girl.

Crowley:   _[rolls eyes]_ Yes, of course. Prophet, I’m willing to make a deal.

Sam:  We’ve had one too many deals today, Crowley. Just let us leave.

Crowley:  Oh Moose, you know I can’t do that. Big things planned for our little prophet. _[Signals to his demons to get Chuck.]_  


_Sam, Impala, Becky, and Chuck put up a good fight and manage to take one demon down, but Crowley still gets a hold of Chuck._

Crowley:  Well this has been less than pleasant. Let’s not do it again too soon. _[Makes a move to leave with Chuck when a loud rumble is heard from the stairs.]_  


_Dean’s large bulk bursts from the stairwell and bowls over the two demons holding Chuck. Crowley is caught between laughter and horror._

Impala:  At least he’s good for something.

Dean:   _[Sitting on the demons and Chuck, Cas perches on his shoulder.]_ Hiya, Crowley. _[to Sam]_ What the hell is going on here?

Crowley:   _[exasperated]_ You’re turning my prophet into jelly!

Dean:   _[rolling off the three men]_ There’s no need to shout.

Chuck:   _[rubbing his neck]_ Thanks, Dean. 

Dean:  Anytime. Let’s ditch this joint, I want a cheeseburger.

Crowley:   _[seething]_ You’re not going anywhere with my prophet.

Sam:   _[pushing Chuck behind himself protectively]_ Sorry, didn’t know you were Facebook official. 

Crowley:   _[sarcastic]_ Simply details, Moose man. _[glancing down at the demons Dean had crushed]_ I’ll be back, Chuck. _[disappears into red smoke]_  


Becky:   _[yelling after]_ We’ll be ready!

 

 

**Act 3: Scene 1**

__

_Back at the house, Sam, Dean, Impala, and Cas sit in the living room among the piles of cases._

Dean:   _[eating a cheeseburger]_ I thought we would be back to normal by now.

Impala:   _[arrogantly]_ You can dream, Baby.

Cas:   _[Squawks indignantly around a piece of Dean’s cheeseburger hanging out of his beak.]_  


Sam:   _[Sulks, picking glitter out of his sideburns.]_  


_Suddenly a phone materializes behind a pile of cases and begins to ring. Sam picks up._

Sam:   _[impatient]_ Gabriel?

Gabriel’s voice:  Good job on the rescue mission, boys. I’m a little impressed. Since you did so well, I thought you wouldn’t mind staying this way for a couple days while I’m away on business. 

Dean:   _[spitting bits of burger as he yells]_ You can’t go back on your word! You made a deal with us!

Gabriel’s voice:  Tragic, I know, but it is what it is. [laughing] I’d suggest taking that burger away from Dean before he has a heart attack. 

Sam:  You son of a bitch. See if we do your dirty work again.

Gabriel’s voice:  In that case, I hope you like your sexy 80’s outfit, your fat brother, your gassy human car, and your squawking angel. _[dissolves into laughter]_  


 

**Scene 2:**

  
_Gabriel is laughing, holding an old-fashioned phone that is coming out of the cloud he is sitting on. Suddenly the phone dissipates and Gabriel leans forward as a bucket of popcorn materializes in his lap. He grins and throws a piece up in the air and catches it in his mouth._   


**Author's Note:**

> There's is a perfectly reasonable explanation for this. Creative writing assignment. Pick a partner, write a script for a pre-existing sitcom. Problem: neither of us watch sitcoms regularly. Solution: Supernatural Changing Channels spin-off.  
> The first copy of our script was much less coherent, but pretty damn hilarious. If you managed to decipher it.


End file.
